Fresno State Athletics
A Senior's Last Stand
11/14/2001 12:00:00 AM | Cross Country
Nov. 14, 2001
By Jennifer Smith
Life is not something a person can plan out. I have gone through more experiences, good and bad, in my four years at Fresno State then my first 18 years of life. As senior team captain Rachel Bauer said, "I have gone grown up the last four years."
My running performance might not have gone according to plan, but I can honestly say that I leave cross country with no regrets. The advice that senior Stacy Esquivel gives underclassman is "don't have any regrets. Run every race like it was your last one because soon it will be over."
And she is right. I know it sounds clich? to say, but time does fly by fast.
The cross country seniors of 2001 had quite an exit. We got to run our last race in Hawaii. Yes, Hawaii of all places. Hawaii, where there is tanning on warm sandy beaches all year. Snorkeling in clear blue green waters. Places to eat called Cheeseburger in Paradise. Craters to hike up early in the morning to catch the sunrise, pineapples and coconuts, sweet pink plumeria flowers to put in your hair and millions of palm trees that in the afternoon start swaying like hula girls to the music of Don Ho. I still can't believe how lucky we were to have got to run our last race at one of the most beautiful places on earth.
And Bauer sums it up perfectly. "It was kind of mythical being in Hawaii. If it had been any other place it might not have been that emotional."
The race was emotional. We seniors found it to be a very emotional race because it was going to be our last Division I cross country race. Three minutes before the gun went off, out of the blue, Bauer made a speech that touched my heart.
As Esquivel said, "at first I didn't even think about it. When Rach started talking I did get a little sad."
I got more than a little sad. I cried. I cried because I knew this was it. I had no more tomorrows. No more next years to plan for. A part of something that had been a part of my identity the last five years was over. I didn't cry as much for the sport as I did for what it taught me about life and myself. It was as if all my experiences, good and bad, surfaced to that one moment before the gun went off.
The WAC Championship course was set on a military golf course. The grass was lush and green and as soon as the race started we knew why Hawaii was so green. We started the race running with our faces into the sun. No more than two minutes later, the clouds covered the sun. And the ultimate tropical downpour of rain came next. I had to smile as my hair and uniform got soaked.
And just as the tropical downpour started, we had to run up our first "rolling hill." And as I took short fast strides to get up the hill, I looked to my right. Part of our course ran along the ocean. I could hear the crashing waves of the ocean, and see the white foam of the waves blend into the tan sand. I could even feel the cool spray from the reckless windblown waves touch my warm skin. It was a picture perfect moment I will never forget. As Bauer said, "it was a very good way to go out."
The race wasn't as painless physically as it was aesthetically. Cross country is a very mentally challenging sport because you are pushing your body as hard as it can go for 3.1 miles. Esquivel said she felt like she couldn't move at one point.
And then "all of a sudden it came over me, and I just wanted to be run harder. I didn't have anything to lose. I just wanted to push and get the last people."
For Bauer, she said running the race was like a dream.
"I felt the pain like I couldn't breathe. Knowing that each step I took was taking one step closer to the finish put my mind at ease."
After the race, I believe we were all happy to be done with. Each one of us ran as hard as we could that day.
As Bauer says, "it's been a good time in my life. I am not sad to see it leave. Lots of good memories."
And as Esquivel says, "I am very happy that this is my last season. It is just because of the stress. I love running and I want to continue to run but just on my own time."
I am happy that it is over, too. It has been a good time in my life and it has been a stressful time in my life. But it has been a time I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to experience.
I hugged Rachel and my other teammates and told them I enjoyed running with them. And I meant it.
As Bauer said, "the seniors that I was with, I couldn't have picked a better bunch of girls." Hawaii was a great time, but a lot of it was thanks to the company I was in. Everyone from the women's team, to the men's team, to the wonderful coaching staff brought some unique quality that made the trip that much more special.
Bauer said what stood out for her about the trip was "celebrating with my team. Celebration of us being there and making it. Being with nine girls and guys who were successful, proud, and knew how to run."
I made the most of every single minute I was in Hawaii. I had the time of my life. I felt like I was a 13-year-old girl again. I went shopping and tried on crazy clothes I would never buy. I went snorkeling, drank a lot kona coffee loaded with sugar, sat on the beach, ate a famous cheeseburger in paradise and had macadamia nut ice cream. I rocked out on the airplane to the airplane music stations with my friends, danced in the seat of the van with my teammates and ran in the rain on the sidewalks at night in my nice clothes not caring how wet I got because I was in Hawaii!
Life just doesn't get much better than moments like these. This trip will still bring a smile to face even when I am 70 years old. As poet William Wordsworth says about memory and moments, "for oft, when on my couch I lie, in vacant or in pensive mood, they (memories) flash upon that inward eye which is the bliss of solitude, and then my heart with pleasure fills, and dances with the daffodils."
